Madness and Miscellany
by Lilac's Garden of Ideas
Summary: Madness and Miscellany is a collection of half-baked plots and little nuggets of stories or dreams; most are amusing, some? Nah. Rated T, because of swearing and allusions to adult natures. This is a collection of snapshots.
1. Cliches: Twinfic! Naruto

That One Cliche: The Twin!fic: The Naruto Edition.

I do not own NARUTO, Kishimoto does.

 **Warning!** There is cussing, violence and probably other things. _Ye have been warned_.

 _ **Tags**_ :

Pre-Shippuden!Konoha

Pre-Chuunin Exams!Timeline

Alive!Minato; Kushina

'Traitor*'!Jiraiya; Hiruzen (3rd Hokage)

OC!SueTwinSisterThatEveryoneLoves

Mentor/Onee-chan!Tsunade; Anko; Shizune

Awesome!Good!Mentor/Onii-san!Kurama; Kakashi

Adorable!Konohamaru; Udon; Moegi

Unlucky(In life)!Naruto

Sarcastic!Smarter!Naruto

Uke!Naruto

Bashing (Sasuke, Sakura, Minato, Kushina, Jiraiya)

* I say traitor, because, they'll not be very nice to Naruto, after, pretty much beating the stuffing out of him. Yeah, I called it cliche for a reason.

* * *

Key:

TEXT - story/speech

 _Text_ \- thoughts

 **Text** \- emphasis in speech

 **TEXT** \- summon/bijuu speech

 _ **TEXT**_ \- summon/bijuu thoughts

* * *

 **Got it? Good, here we go...**

* * *

Another day: another scratch, another chip, another dent to a mask- all to a child- _Kami, I'm fucked. What's so important to the Old Man that he had to call me away from the Academy?_ Another train of thought, rather morbid at that, entered the head of the short, underfed blue-eyed blonde, as he sat off to a corner in the waiting area of the Hokage's office. _Well, it ain't like today's gonna get any worse..._

He stared at the office door, waiting for its occupant to summon him. The door opened, finally, and a harried-looking secretary hurried out, shooting a soft, sympathetic look to Naruto. She paused by the boy, murmuring a gentle 'good luck' to the Leaf's most hated child, while the genial voice of his surrogate grandfather beckoned him in.

"Come in, Naruto.. It's good to see you." A wary, but secret glance and Naruto gave a small, fake-cheery grin, "Yeah, Jiji, it's great to see you too.." Naruto paused, "Eeh, Jiji, you wanted to see me? I swear I had nothing to do with the feather and paint bombs in the academy's teacher lounge!" While he spoke, he noticed an almost invisible conniving glint to the normally benevolent Hokage's eyes. "Yes, Naruto there are a handful of people I want you to meet."

Suddenly, a tall, broad man dressed as a Kabuki performer with an odd hitai-ate popped into the open office widow. "Heya sensei!" The man called. The Third chuckled, "It's good to see you too, Jiraiya." Cogs in Naruto's head started turning, the second the man- Jiraiya- appeared in the office- at the same time, though, unknown to all of the occupants, inside of a hidden seal, the Kyuubi no Yoko- a chakra beast, long thought to have possessed Naruto- stirred, sensing its other half lurking near. Inside of the seal, in its own mindscape, it found genjutsu strings, stickier than most- ** _... Mangekyou Sharingan.. who- Madara!_** \- and it tugged hard on the illusion, shattering it like glass. The dream- no- nightmare-like state it was in when it rampaged.. then pain. All consuming, white-hot pain ate away at the Kyuubi's consciousness.

In the outside world, Naruto felt like someone combine Rai- and Katon jutsus to fry his head. He curled into himself, as the pain wracked his malnourished frame, then, as suddenly as the pain appeared, it disappeared. Naruto uncurled, only to see a redheaded girl tackle-hugging the Sandaime. Why? Who is she and why is she squealling- a sound he is really beginning to loathe- "Ojiji! Guess what?!" The Third Hokage smiled gently to the the girl hugging him, and ruffled her hair, which was up in a high ponytail. Naruto paused, he had seen that look too many times before; that look was the precursor to his mistreatment. The orphanage matrons had the same look, before they kicked him out. The same look the Academy senseis, save for Iruka-sensei, had given him- especially before- No, no, best keep those memories at bay.. "That's fantastic Natsumi-chan! Where are your parents?" Soon after the Sandaime said that, a busty, whiskey-eyed, blonde kunoichi followed by a dark haired, dark-eyed kunoichi appeared on the windowsill, shoving Jiraiya to the floor. The white-haired man, lay sprawled, he muttered, "Thank you, Tsunade-hime.." "Sensei, what did you call me for?"

* * *

CLIFFHANGER! xD LOL!

Nah, I kid, I'll mostly likely come back to this one.


	2. Swords, Secrets and Seals Ch1

**Seals + Swords + Secrets**

* * *

I do not own Naruto! Enjoy the snapshot of my madness!

* * *

Yondaime Hokage, Minato Namikaze, surveyed the ravished village with rising despair, as his wife's screams of pain became louder. Giving birth was painful, no doubt, but to triplets- "MINATO, I AM NOT LETTING YOU NEAR ME EVER AGAIN!"- thrice-fold more so.

* * *

Mind racing to find the best seal, Minato snatched all three babies, while Senju Tsunade, her apprentice Shizune and Sarutobi Biwako worked on healing his tired Kushina-chan. Giving a sharp whistle, Minato summoned his sensei, Jiraiya the Toad Sage, and his own apprentice, Hatake Kakashi. Handing one of his precious children to the other men, the Yondaime set the pace towards the smouldering Konoha. Running through the designs again, the blond planned on sealing the Kyuubi no Yoko by splitting in twain- the Yin chakra to his daughter- the Yang to his eldest son- but was it the sunny blond or the strawberry blond that was the elder?

* * *

The Shinigami smirked, not bothering to hide its amusement from the petrified blond ningen before him. The foolish man thought that his and his wife's 'mini-me's were the saviours. The Death God rumbled out his wager- death now or death later? Considering the unhinged flares of tainted chakra beyond the crystal barrier, the man before him would choose later. The being's smirk widened as it _saw_ the future of the middle child- the Shinigami made a few gestures at the bound bijuu, splitting the Kyuubi into its Yin, Yang and spiritual selves. The three 'chakra' types flew into the children- with the blond man barely registering the fact that all three of his scions had a seal, and that the freakin' **SHINIGAMI** had spared his puny mortal life. 

===_-Scene-Pause-_=== 

"So, Hiruzen-sama is retiring; Jiraiya, Tsunade and Shizune are staying in Konoha; my children are jinchuuriki; you found a long-thought-dead parent, who was from Iwa, who left your sister there- you're saying you want to let our other child be raised an orphan, with the honourary surname 'Uzumaki' and you used the Shiki Fuin and are still alive... Can I have alcohol Tsu-chan?"

"Don't think so, Kushi-chan."

"I also want Jiraiya, Tsunade, Kakashi and Shizune to be Mito and Menma's godparents."

" _ **Can I have a Kami-damned drink?!**_ "

* * *

 _Oh, how ye have fallen,_

 _to treat your messiah as_

 _the prodigal son._

 _And to treat the prodigal sons_

 _as undeserving heroes-_

 _Oh, how ye have fallen_

* * *

At the age of four, a tall, silver-haired shinobi found him, and brought him in front of his idol- Konoha's Yellow Flash and Yondaime Hokage. The older blond man had said something to the lines of 'So, I've heard you're a genius, kid... Wow, you look similar to me, my brother had good genes; hey kid turns out you're my nephew, I'd offer you a chance to live with me, but I don't want you to be a target. Sorry that the matron was an abusive drunk, we're repairing that orphanage- we're also moving you into a studio apartment with three other children. You're joining the shinobi academy right? Well, kid enjoy your life.' and had promptly shooed him out.

Later that day, the elder Danzo Shimura was publicly executed. And the advisors to the Sandaime Hokage- Hiruzen Sarutobi- Koharu Utatane and Homura Mitokado were put into ANBU custody, while a raid was carried out throughout the village and its nooks and crannies- liberating scores of young people who had been abducted recently for experimentation by Orochimaru _and_ Danzo. 

===_-Scene-Pause-_=== 

Moving into a studio apartment with three other precocious orphans- self-proclaimed siblings Tenten and Lee Higurashi, who were adopted by the elderly blacksmith/weapon-smith Yoshi Higurashi, and Sai, an artistic child, who was swiftly becoming the next sibling of the other two- but when Naruto was introduced, it seemed that everything in their lives was more fulfilled. The four 'Higurashi siblings' were happy with their lives- each child would mother-hen the rest but each had skills important to independence at a young age- all of four were highly intelligent- and with Naruto's inborn natural inclination to fuuinjutsu, he released a highly illegal seal on Lee(that seal was a chakra suppressant used mainly on ninjutsu-murderers), which set a series of events in motion. 

===_-Scene-Pause-_=== 

Two years later, when the two eldest entered the academy, the strawberry-blond found out another love- gardening- when he accidentally stumbled into a Yamanaka work-garden somewhere in the village proper. The clan head- Inoichi, had spotted a blonde child working in his garden, and thinking was his precious bloom- Ino, he had stopped to watch, when lo and behold, it wasn't his daughter, but another... boy..? girl..? child..? Child- who was tending to the plants with the utmost love and care. Inoichi began to leave little gifts for the child he was beginning to imprint on.

During the days where Naruto wasn't skulking around the gardens, or his apartment, he often spent time talking to Sarutobi-sama, the previous Hokage, and his wife. The child had easily endeared himself to the family. 

===_-Scene-Pause-_=== 

When Naruto and Sai entered the academy, they were met with an interesting reaction. Naruto's 'cousins' Mito and Menma Namikaze, were the class idols, as well as Sasuke Uchiha and the M.M.S (Mito, Menma, Sasuke) fanclub presidents, Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka.

The Higurashi siblings all spent time together training and having fun, even when Lee and Tenten became genin.

The year that Naruto, Sai and the rest of the class was set to graduate, some twist of fate happened. Mizuki, for some reason loathed Naruto and solely Naruto, he hated the Namikaze twins, too, but Naruto Higurashi was the bane of his existance. The other senseis couldn't understand why. Iruka Umino, the main teacher adored the blonde ( **[nn,ww]** ) and many of the other sensei who taught shinobi and kunoichi studies; yes, the strawberry-blond child took kunoichi studies too, on top of the plain shinobi curriculum, found the androgynous-looking child to be a determined, adorable, hardworking soul. 

===_-Scene-Pause-_=== 

*Mito, Menma, Sasuke, Sakura & Ino prank Mizuki; they frame Naruto, Sai , Shikamaru, Hinata and Chouji, it leaves Mizuki pissed, and Iruka confused.

*The older Higurashi sibs are not happy.

*Mizuki gets his arse handed to him on silver platter.

*Naruto is a medic who tutors under Shizune and Tsunade, Sai is not an emotionally repressed dick, Tenten is still a weapons mistress but can use Tsunade's strength technique, Lee is less bushy-brow'ed and has chakra.

*Deidara is related to Minato, and moves to Konoha. He isn't evilz.

*Jiraiya is slightly misguided, and eventually is okay. 

* * *

THINGS HAPPEN!


	3. Boxing Match?

Boxing Championships~~! / **No title/ LOLZ** /

* * *

Key

" Speech " - is whatever language is spoken in scenes- you should be able to tell Kana and Jack's story segments apart- hopefully...

" _Thoughts_ " - is exactly what it reads like

" **Emphasis** " - ditto to the above...

/ _A/n \ Scene Break_ / - ditto to the above...

* * *

Let the dream-turned-rabid-plot-bunny commence. I really do not own **Katekyo Hitman Reborn** , or, **Kangaroo Jack** , all that I own is this cracky little plot. Hopefully you find this as amusing as I did.

* * *

Things that I may not explain~~ (\Ou/):

1) Kenomimi are an accepted subdivision of human life.

2) Jackie Legs is a 'professional' boxer.

Kangaryuu _**/or/**_ Kana, for short, is professional thanks to Ryohei's training.

3) Jackie is an unrepentant flirt to all things female, be it, in his words, "A pretty Sheila or Jill." Kana fits the criteria- she is tall, tawny haired, tanned and a pr.

4) Ryohei and Kana are not a ship, there is no solid romance- just mean teasing by the author, bad pick-up lines, and an imagined brother complex... (Most of this is in Jack's head... Oi! I said most!)

* * *

In a gym somewhere in the States, all things considered, the gym was probably in Vegas, a young man, maybe 20 or so, standing 6' 4" not including the kangaroo ears peaking out of his burnished gold hair. This young man is Jack 'Jackie' Leggs, and he's training for a boxing championship. Scattered throughout the gym, are the other boxers and their coaches, all warming up. ' _Unfortunately, I'm stuck with_ _ **Louis...**_ ' To any other person, Jack looked like he was napping; he wasn't, he was tuning out one of his coaches' blathering, unfortunately for Jack, Louis was really difficult to ignore. The boxer's eye began to twitch.

* * *

"Seriously? Where the hell is Charlie? He said he'd be here..."

 _Twitch._

"C'mon, man, pick up the phone... Chaaarlieeee..."

 _Twitch, twitch_

"Answer the damned phone!"

 _Twitch, twitch, twitch, twitch..._

"Charlie? Are you there? Charlie?"

 _Twitch.._

"Damn it, Louis! SHADDUP ALREADY! Geez, he said he'd be here, just leave it alone! Y'know what? I'm going for a walk, sit down, shut up, don't move- I'll be back in 10 minutes or so."

* * *

/ _Well, whaddya know, 'The Thunder From Down Under' lost 'is patience... xD_ /

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere across the facility, a 6' 2" tall, tan, tawny-haired young woman, in a boxing uniform and a doctor's coat was alternating between nervous pacing and chattering into her wireless headset that was perched just so over one of her kangaroo ears. Her tape-wrapped hands and fingers alternately worried the handle of the breifcase she was carrying, and the laces of the boxing gloves she had slung over one of her shoulders. She spoke rapid-fire Japanese with bits of Italian tossed in. Meet Kangaryuu Sasagawa, a famous, up-and-coming boxer who prefers to be called Kana.

Kana wasn't aware of this, but she drew a certain pair of eyes towards her...

* * *

/ _Oh my, poor Kana. And, I suppose also, poor Jack- Ryohei's gonna kill him... :D_ /

* * *

' _Well, well, what do we have here? What a pretty sheila, ooh, a Jill at that.. Wish Jackie-boy good luck~_ '

* * *

/ _You can_ _ **just**_ **hear** _the smug rolling off of that sentence, trust me._ /

* * *

Kana sighed heavily, as her **imouto** cut the telephone conversation; she began pacing again, every few minutes, she would glance up to a wall-mounted clock, and sigh.

Jack decided it was now or never- that if he didn't try and get her number, his life would be ruined- (let's just say that it definately **won't** end well for Jackie..) He cleared his throat, and she jumped a little, clearly suprised by the sudden appearence, "Hey babe, pardon me, I think I dropped something- my jaw."

Kana was so lost to her own thoughts, she jumped a little when she heard an unknown masculine voice say a really bad pick-up line. She stared, and stared, and stared a little more. He didn't seem to be getting the message.

' _Well that line didn't impress her.. maybe.._ ' Jack's slightly flagging courage picked up.. "Hey girl, you look good, how many guys do I have to wait behind?"

She flushed, and glared. ' _Oh, wow, really? If onii-chan heard him.._ '

He had must of thought she was impressed, or something and he smirked and spoke, "Girl, are those space pants? 'Cause your legs are out of this world..."

Awkward silence met his words.

Many more truly bad pick-up lines followed the awkward silence.

* * *

/ _Let's all have a moment of silence for Jack's pride.. and probably his face- that is, if Ryo-nii gets what he wants... :D_ /

* * *

' _Oh no.. I hear Ryo-nii shouting- this guy's gonna get beaten up before his match and we're all gonna get disqualified-!_ ' Amazingly, Kana didn't shriek, which would have set Ryohei and all of her friends off, no, she squeaked when- what's his name? Jackie? Jack?- pinched her backside.

Jack, on the other hand, thought he was in heaven, ' _Such a pretty sheila, I'm sure she'd agree to a date and.. heh, some_ _ **extracurricular**_ _activities too..._ '

* * *

LALALALALA! This is the end... For now.

* * *

Aaand, scene cut! Hope ya like the madness!


	4. Knowledge or Instinct

**Knowledge.**

* * *

It started as the slow burn of realization- the dawning notion of 'Oh.. this isn't quite right...'

He, as the Sky, blessed with Hyper Intuition, _knew_ but couldn't identify what was different. He fell into unconscious, with dark, haunted, terrified chasing him all the while...

It was the mocking, the jeering and taunting; hurtful words so _vastly_ different from what he was used to, but still so achingly familiar.. What was wrong? Who was screaming? Who was hurting so much in their heart and soul?

He blacked out again, with worry and the desire to help, heavy in his own heart.

Uzumaki Naruto ran. He ran as fast as he could, faster than he could manage, all with the intent to get as far away as possible. He may have only been five years old, and uneducated, and orphaned, but he _knew_ something was wrong when adults spat on him and kicked him, when parents directed bright-eyed children away from him, with gentle admonishments to 'Stay away from him, that is not a child, it's a monster in child's clothing..'

 **Like those rags could even be called clothing...**

 ** _Maa~ Kurama-sempai, this poor child is hurting, let me help him..._**

 ** _Ne, Gio-nii, I want to help him too... please, I've been- I know what he's going through..._**

Naruto bolted upright from his slouch in the alleyway he hid in, _Voices? Where? Hide.. gotta hide..._ He scrambled back, away from the alley mouth, and accidentally smacked his head against a wall, knocking him unconscious.

A tall man, with gravity-defying quicksilver hair materialized from the shadows, scooped the unconscious blond boy up, crouched low, and jumped high onto a rooftop, running towards a tall tower that stood in front of an escarpment that had faces carved onto it.

In the child's subconscious, two beings: one of another world, one a so-called demon; spoke to a child, a child who would become legend; another successor of the Vongola Mafia famiglia: the Unidecimo- the embodiment of what Giotto and Tsunayoshi Sawada stood for. (The poor child didn't know that yet, and as he would grow he'd be 'tutored' under his three new older brothers.)

And a few weeks passed, which brings us to the next few scenes:

* * *

But, as most know, wherever a sky goes, its guardians, its weather follows...

* * *

It started as the slow burn of realization- the dawning notion of 'Oh.. this isn't quite right...'

"Sakura! Get away from that boy! He's nothing but trouble! He-" The pink haired girl tuned her mother out to stare at the blond boy who had tears streaming down his face as he stared adamantly at the sky. Sakura was a smart girl, especially for a five year old, and _knew_ she was drawn to this boy... She also knew that adults loathed this child, and, acting in safety now, for rebellion later, she obeyed, all the while her very soul screamed 'Go to him!'

She couldn't tell what was wrong yet, but she'd find out, if she wasn't Haruno Sakura!

In her subconscious, three beings warred. A chibi aspect; the 'lovechild' between the silver-haired bomber and the red-head archer; yelled, and threw a fit... Gokudera Hayato, G. and Kayo: three aspects that really shouldn't ever get along, agreed that they were drawn to the little blond...

The elder two, who had this nagging feeling, that for the third, they'd be parents- and probably influence her external self, became resigned- that yes- their skies had the damnedest luck, no holds barred, hands down.

* * *

It started as the slow burn of realization- the dawning notion of 'Oh.. this isn't quite right...'

"Aiyaa.. Ten-chan! Drop the sword! You'll hurt yourself!" A six year old brunette girl dressed in scruffy pink Chinese-styled clothing ran around outside of a smith's shop, the man chasing her- her Otou-san- panting for breath, as his little girl ran circles around him with a damaged katana.. "But Tou-san!" She laughed, "I wanna be a ninja! And I wanna learn to be the world's best swordsman!" Her father sighed, his daughter had such high expectations...

The man who was once Yamamoto Takeshi stood, slack-jawed, staring. His companion, Asari Ugetsu stared, with more composure, as a little child, who- yes, it's true- resembled them, ran circles around her father... They turned to each other, Takeshi spoke first, 'I'm not her mother-' and didn't get to finish, as the normally calm musician glared at him ' You're younger, you're the wife..' And thus the argument that may-or-may-not end began.

Tenten, thankfully, was too amused by her father trying and failing to catch her, she didn't think of her mindscape.

On her way to the market with her Tou-san, she seen a little blond kid hiding in the bushes by a park, gazing longingly- her heart hurt, this kid needed a friend, and that was gonna be her!

* * *

It started as the slow burn of realization- the dawning notion of 'Oh.. this isn't quite right...'

Lee sighed, he had to talk to this kid, he'd seen the kid wandering around, heedless of the glares and anger- the raven-haired six year old _knew_ that he _had_ to talk to this kid- he- the kid made his instinct to protect flare to life.

Ryohei and Knuckle were wrestling, well, sparring- to the limit!- yes, that, and were proud of this extreme child seeing through the illusions first, after all, the first weather in the sky is the sun...

After hours of yelling at himself, and practicing the strange movements that appeared in his head, Lee sought out the blond.. "Hello, my name is Lee, who are you?" The blond flinched back, eyes darting from side to side, "W-won't y-y-your p-p-parents be a-angry w-w-with you f-for t-talking to m-m-m-me?" Lee moved a little closer, "No, they would not be upset with me, they would encourage me to talk to you- to the limit... Say, come with me, my nii-san should help you, if not I will defend you to the best of my abilities!"

After this, Lee and his pseudo-older brother Gai, became the friend Naruto had always wanted.

Gai eventually told his eternal rival that his youthful- I'm EXTREME to the limit!- little brother made a new friend, Kakashi (the quicksilver fellow from earlier), had to see. "Inu-san! Are Gai-nii and Lee-nii your friends?" Kakashi was ecstatic! The chibi remembered him! He too, became an older brother

* * *

A year passed, and with it, some idiots thought that chasing the timid blond boy near the Hyuuga compound was a good idea. (It wasn't, for many reasons...)

It started as the slow burn of realization- the dawning notion of 'Oh.. this isn't quite right...'- before, a tonfa and a fist are applied to his sternum and lumbar respectively.

A girl, about six years old, with short blue hair, is training, if you call mutually beating the crap out of her grandfather with her slightly older cousin Neji, training.

The two children have great potential, as their fathers figured out the hard way- as the psuedo-siblings bonded over bringing the pain to bullies of the 'village pariah'/most adorable blond kid ever/cute little fox cub. She found a pair of sticks and 'bit the offenders to death'. Neji was in awe as his 'delicate Hinata-sama' carried a boy her size as if she did it every day of her life, and began following her around as her second in command.

Hearing the familiar voices of Naruto's bullies, she slammed her brand-new tonfa into her grandfather's stomach and groin, bowed, and ran towards the gate, Neji trailing after her.

Hiashi sighed, turning to his twin brother, inwardly sobbing, "Where did I go wrong with her? She dresses like a civilian thug boy! Why can't she be mommy's little princess again?" Hizashi gave his twin a sideways look, "Hiashi, you told her to act like a proper clan head, and defend what was hers; it's pure luck that she considers Neji her go-to, 'cause she may-" He was interrupted, "Herbivores, for crowding, beating a defenseless child, and disturbing the peace of Konoha, I'll bite you to death." There is a beat of silence, and the three Hyuuga males, sans Granddad, hang their heads, praying for the souls of those idiots, before screaming erupted, shrill and girlish and most definitely not from Hinata.

In the girl's mindscape, a tall ebony haired man, leans into the embrace of a taller blond, "Ah, she's growing up.. She's cute _and_ deadly, I'm so proud." Alaude smirks, as tears of pride well in the eyes of Hibari Kyoya- demon prefect, sucker for adorable things, and strange mother-figure.

Outwardly, seven children and fourteen spirits shudder- there's _something_ off.. and it'll cause nightmares of tonfa and yellow bird chicks.

* * *

It started as the slow burn of realization- the dawning notion of 'Oh.. this isn't quite right...'- as Yamanaka Inoichi stared at his daughter- her normally blue gaze, now a brilliant, determined green, as she stared down the second- and third-year academy cadets who had been 'initiating' the 'demon-brat' and had them quaking in their sandals, as this tiny little blonde girl railed on them. Suddenly, two other second-years came tearing around the corner to stop and apologize to their little brother for being late, only to freeze as Yamanaka Ino stared at them, and soon, four children lay on the ground clutching their heads- Inoichi didn't know what to do, so he stood vigil, after scaring the still-trembling upperclassmen off.

There was a conference between the spirits... It gave the children headaches- surprising, ne?- and an entertaining set of stories to be told- 'Aie! No, tell the stories later!'- at a later date... We'll say that the Lightning Guardians' resolves have firmly solidified.

Inoichi stared at his hands, as he sat cross-legged on the ground, in front of a tree, as the children lay on the ground, sleeping. ' _I don't get paid enough for this..._ '

* * *

It started as the slow burn of realization- the dawning notion of 'Oh.. this isn't quite right...' - that echoed in the minds of two boys, joined by their subconscious,

Aburame Shino, a little bit of a social outcast, upon joining the shinobi academy, immediately made friends with Nara Shikamaru- a lazy genius. Their friendship just worked- they had a connection to some of their classmates: Timid, clever, adorable, but strong Uzumaki Naruto; Tough-girl genius, Haruno Sakura- cha! Call me Kayo!-; formidably terrifying and tough Hyuuga Hinata; sometimes bratty, but really determined and kind Yamanaka Ino and two of their upperclassmen: Extreme!ly athletic and Taijutsu genius-to the limit!- Maito Lee, and genki weapons-mistress/master kenjutsu user Maito Tenten...

' _There's something about Uzumaki-kun that's attractive, ne Shi-kun?_ '

In the mostly-shared mindscape, two men with blue hair in a pineapple- It isn't pineapple shaped! **Yes it is!** -style are cackling maniacally, while a woman, with long, flowing purple hair facepalms... _'Thankfully, at least, for the most part, Shino-kun and Shika-kun take after me...'_

* * *

Soon, as the Primo and Decimo generations awaken, these children, the Unidicesimo generation-

'Kyaa! Juuichidaime!'

'Maa~ Calm down Kayo~'

'Shut up weapons-freak!'

'... Guys?'

'Maa, maa.. Ino-chan has a headache, tone it down, Sakura..'

'Ahaha! ARE WE SHOUTING! HOW EXTREME!'

'Aie, tone it down..'

'... Guys!'

'Can it pineapple-head'

'My hair is not pineapple shaped! Yell at Shika!'

'Hufufufu... Shi-no-kun~'

'Oya, Hina's gonna-'

'Herbivores.. for crowding, and disturbing the baby animal, I'll bite you to death...'

'Eeh, Neji-san, is Hina always this angry?'

'Aah, only when you are involved..'

'Ookay then...'

* * *

* A.K.A: The fanfic in which the 1st and 10th Vongola guardians are 'reincarnated' as Naruto and his friends; essentially, the guardians raise them with the vigilante morals and whatever else defines them, w/ Lampo and Lambo, they teach how they should act, so less bratty. I'm so sleepy.. ... Here's a handy lil' guide..

Naruto- Giotto and Tsuna

Sakura/Kayo- G. and Hayato

Tenten/Tetsuko- Ugetsu and Takeshi

Lee- Knuckle and Ryohei

Shikamaru- Daemon and Mukuro

Shino- Daemon and Chrome

Hinata- Alaude and Kyoya

Ino- Lampo and Lambo

* * *

* Eeh, yes, you _could_ say the 1st/10th couple is a ship, but only kind of a ship...

* * *

* All the kids are super tough now... and have weapons!

Naru- inherits the Natsu!Cloak and Kushina's chains, kage bunshin, fuuma shuriken, kunai

Saku/Kayo- explosive notes, senbon, kunai, wire and poisons and a two-handed battleax

Ten/Tetsuko- swords, spears, axes, chakram, , knives, daggers, crossbows, kunai, shuriken, tessen, senbon, Ugetsu's nagakatana and short swords, a metal bat, a metal bo staff, chain scythes, some 'swallow'/butterfly knives and a very large spool of ninja wire

Lee- his fists, a pair of tonfa, a bo staff, kunai, a wakizashi

Shika- a chain-scythe, chakra-conducive wire, a pair of trench knives and nunchaku

Shino- his bugs, a meteor hammer that hides his insects, a set of butterfly _swords_ (not knives)

Hina- tonfa and heavily modified Jukenho( read: a not-so-gentle Gentle Fist)

Ino- tessen, kunai, butterfly knives, a sealed shield, a lightning flame/raiton conducting naginata

* * *

* Sasuke bashing! (Mild, that is, he's kind of a d- 'Keep it PG!'

* * *

* Slash! Which means that Lussuria will be jealous!- eh, no, there's some fluffy boy/boy love... common warning: dun't like, dun't click

* * *

 _If I continue this, I'll explain it better. Hopefully._

 _Whoo! Lookie! First update of 2016!_

 _Eeh, sorry if there are typos._


	5. Info -AND- (Dis)agreement

Hey m' dear readers! Welcome to the 'What to look for in January' and minific chapter!

* * *

 **January's project(s):**

Williams and Jones- a Jekyll-and-Hyde inspired modern Hetalia fanfiction, wherein Mattie and Alfie are half-brothers and psychically connected- hence, 'Jekyll and Hyde' title- and have these 'blackouts'- it isn't a flippant, or an overly melodramatic portyal, and is an odd-duck of a plot bunny.

'Shugo Chara?!'- a KHR/SC fanfic, wherein Tsuna's guardians are his guardian characters, and it's better than it sounds. I promise! (Working title. btw..)

Fate, Karma and How To Deal With Idiots- a fem!tsuna fic; wherein, a SI-Tsuna comes into her own. It's a one-sided guardians/fem!tsuna fic, with an independent character.

'Hockey, fistfights, arguing and naps' - A hetalia fic, written for a friend, and was dared to post- I will post it. Eventually..

'?'- a Hetalia x Ranma 1/2 x Harry Potter fic- with humourous intent.

* * *

 **January Updates:**

Dragonet Oneshots- a new chapter, courtesy of books 6-8 are in the works.. (hopefully.)

* * *

Minific of the chapter:

 **You Didn't Have To Agree**

 _" I know! Okay?! I know... Jeez..."_

 _ **" Just 'cause I said something don't mean y'have to agree with me ya jerk!"**_

 _" But it's true!"_

 _ **" You. Suck. Royally."**_

 _" Nya-nya- hahahahaha suck it! He- ow, dammit, didja have to hit me that hard?!"_

 _ **" 'S a matter of fact, yes."**_

Saotome Ranma boggled.. there were two other male versions of him, (currently her), standing in the dojo of the Tendo home, making an already high-strung Tendo Akane and Hibiki Ryoga flip out and try to beat the three Ranma into A)LEO/B)the earth's mantle- 'try' being the key word. Real-Ranma got doused, while clone-Ranma-1 pressure-point'd the angry pair, and clone-Ranma-2 made a smart-ass comment, which evolved into this argument... _This won't end well for me, will it?_ Ranma sighed. _Pops'll have a fit... Eh, maybe that'll be the best result from this mess..._


	6. How Our Hike Went

**The Fruits Basket / Shugo Chara X-over : How Hiking Leads to Misunderstandings Like This.**

* * *

 _A/N: So, this was once an RP off of the Erin Hunter Official Message Boards between a good friend of mine, and I.. So yeah. Enjoy!_

 _This fanfic is rated T for: Cussing!; Shounen-ai!; and whatever else that's in here._

* * *

Trekking along the forest path, a pink-haired girl let out a sigh before stopping in her tracks. "Wait, guys, I need a water break," Amu called out as she slung her bag down her shoulders, pulling out her water bottle. Taking a quick drink, she looked over her group of friends. She was glad that they all seemed enthusiastic to join her on a hike. She had been planning it out for weeks, and felt rather proud of herself for finding such a nice strip of land to explore. Putting her water bottle away, she jogged back over to her group of friends. "So, how far do you think we'll go today?" she asked, eager for opinions.

Nadeshiko skipped along, seeming to enjoy herself. As they walked she gazed around, taking her surroundings. "This area is rather beautiful," she commented. "It's sorta strange though... I thought a forest as big as this would be more popular. I feel as if we're the only people around."

Rima trailed along with the group, letting out a sigh. She wasn't a very big fan of the heat. Or walking. The combination of the two left her feeling rather impatient. "Remind me why I decided to tag along again," she mumbled as she stepped into place beside Kukai. She didn't want to be a downer, but hiking wasn't really how she pictured she'd spend her weekend. Despite this, she was still glad to be with her friends.

Ikuto sighed, how did the peppy rosette manage to drag him along? He knew that the Kiddy-King wasn't happy to see him, and the feeling was mutual.. "Wait, guys, I need a water break." Looking down at his feet, Ikuto noticed that his laces were undone, he knelt down and started to retie his shoes.

Tadase, meanwhile, glared at Ikuto, fuming. He was really quite incensed when Amu dragged that no-good catboy along with them. ' _At least the forest is pretty. And quiet..._ "

Kukai stared, Rima-chan didn't seem impressed with Amu-chan, and the hoard of strange that followed her. Hearing rustling close to where his sempai was tying his shoes, he turned around to warn Ikuto when another teenager walked out of the forest, and somehow managed to trip over him, sending both sprawling on the ground.

* * *

Earlier in the day:

Haru, who had been sitting at Shigure's for quite some time, had grown bored of the same old routine. After reading his newspaper it dawned on him that he had never really gotten the chance to explore the forest that Shigure resided in. Setting his paper down, Haru stood up before walking to the porch. "I think I'll go out for a bit. I'd like to take a look around the area," he told Tohru and Kyo as he began to make his way toward the area of trees.

Tohru, who had been setting clothes up to dry, cast a glance toward Haru. Turning away from her work, the brunette frowned, a little worried for her friend. "Are you sure that's a good idea? You're not very familiar with the land. If you go by yourself, you might get lost..." Tohru's sentence trailed off as she realized the white haired male wasn't even paying attention to her. He seemed too focused on heading toward the woods. Sweat-dropping, Tohru extended her arm out as she watched Haru walk onward. "Eh? Uh... Haru? M-maybe someone should go with you?" She knew that even as she spoke, her efforts were useless. It was obvious that Haru already had his mind set on going out alone.

Kyo choked a little bit on the milk he was drinking when his cousin mentioned wandering through the woods around the perverted Dog's house. "Oi! Ox-brain! Don'tcha think you should walk _with_ someone- I mean, you get lost really easily-" Pinned with a dirty look from both Ratboy and White Haru, he stopped short of finishing his sentence. "Fine, fine, be that way.. But I ain't goin' out to look for ya if ya get lost."

Hearing the ruckus from the dining room/kitchen area, Shigure popped out of his study humming to himself. Peering in, from around the door frame, he heard Kyo laughing at Haru, Haru snarking back, Yuki being mean to both of his cousins and his flower- Tohru- trying, and failing to stop the argument... He snickered, and went back to his study. (Had the cousins been listening more clearly, they would have found Shigure's laughter to sound eerily like 'Lover's Spat, no doubt' and 'Aaya would love to know', and would have all attempted to beat the Dog into his floorboards.)

Huffing in annoyance, Haru tossed an irritated glance back at Kyo. "I'm sure I can handle myself, thanks," he stated before walking off and disappearing out of sight. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Haru cast his glance downward and let out a quiet sigh. _Dam_ _n that Kyo... He always likes to interject at the worst possible times..._

* * *

Suddenly, Haru felt himself crash into something else. Haru fell back onto the hard forest floor, quickly snapping himself out of his thoughts. His eyes narrowed as he set a cold gaze toward the newcomers. _Who the hell are they?_ he thought as he quickly stood up, brushing himself off. Straightening, Haru's gaze flicked over each individual. After a long silence went by, he finally spoke. "Uh... Who are you guys?"

Ikuto, who had been minding his own business- read: tying his shoes- when some other teen walks right into him, sending both to the forest floor. Ikuto gathered himself quickly, with catlike grace, and stood, fixing an openly incredulous glare at the other boy. "Who are we, he asks, really? You trip on one of my servants, and-" Moving quickly, Ikuto clapped a hand over Tadase's mouth, hissing "Tadase, please, shut up."

Tadase glared at the punk, and at the wannabe cat-cosplayer. Ranting at them in his head, he glared harder at Ikuto. ' _Stupid catboy... I bet Amu-chan will be fussing over him..._ '

Kukai sort of stared; he knew weird things tended to happen- he could have sworn that when he was a Guardian, he was in a shoujo manga- but this? Could his weekend get weirder?

Glaring at the smaller blond, Haru felt his patience slipping away. He didn't like it when others acted arrogant or just all around full of themselves. "Maybe I tripped over your 'servant' because I didn't expect anyone else to be here," he growled, taking a step closer to the newcomers. "I hope you guys are aware that you're all on private property," he stated, glaring at them. Despite his patience ebbing away, he couldn't help but allow a smirk to etch its way into his facial features at the thought of proving them wrong.

Amu had rushed over to Ikuto, worry in her eyes. "Hey, are you alright?" She asked. Before she could say or do anything else, the white haired male's words took her by surprise. Spinning around, she gasped, "Private property?!" Panic and guilt seeped its way into her. _How could I have been so stupid? I should have known that land as big and empty as this was private. What if the others get into trouble because of me?_ Worried thoughts raced through Amu's head as she stared at him. "I-I'm sorry, it was my idea to hike here! I had no idea it was private land," she apologized.

Nadeshiko stood there, observing the scene with mild worry and interest. Giving a small smile, she murmured, "Hmm, I guess it's no surprise. This forest is far too big to be unpopular after all."

Rima let out a small huff of annoyance. _Great. We've come so far, we run into a white haired weirdo, and now we'll have to turn around and walk all the way back?_ "You've got to be kidding me," she sighed, shuffling her feet as she grew more impatient. "Are you saying that we have to walk all the way back now?" Needless to say, Rima didn't seem impressed at all.

* * *

Kyo was muttering to himself- something along the lines of 'Stubborn woman- and left with that sick pervert Dog...' 'damned rat' and 'stupid ox-brain, getting lost'. Kyo was also unimpressed, as Tohru- the sweetheart, though he'd never actually admit it out loud- and Ratboy were concerned about Ox-brain getting lost and ending up in Nerima. Again. He sighed angrily, before spotting familiar spiky two-toned hair. "Oi! Haru! Let's head back to Dog-breath's house! C'mon- who are these people?"

"'Who are these people?' Whaddya mean?! 'Who are- eh.. Whatever! It's nice to meet you, strangers, m' name is Kukai Souma! How do you do?"

"Hn, Ikuto Tsukiyomi. I believe _you_ tripped over me." Internally, Ikuto bristled- he sensed another _neko_ close... ' _How bizarre..._ '

"I am a king! Bow before me, Tadase Hotori!" Tadase had finally pried Ikuto's hands away from his mouth. ' _Stupid scruffy (nerf-herders) catboys..._ '

' _Sohma?!_ ' Kyo boggled, ' _Sohma? Is he related? Would we even know?'_ Kyo blinked.. "O-ookay, well, I'm Kyo Sohma, and this two-toned, stubborn idio-" Haru glared at him again... "Fine, you introduce yourself... " He huffed, "Rude much, ox-brain.."

Huffing in annoyance, Haru's gaze wandered back to the newcomers. "I'm Hatsuharu Sohma. My cousins reside here," he explained. Glancing around, Haru paused before looking back at Kyo. "Uh... Where are we?" Through all the commotion Haru hadn't realized that he lost his sense of direction.

Stiffening, Amu's gaze wandered around their surroundings. _He's right... All the trees blend in with each other, including the paths... I doubt anyone remembers how to get back to where we came from._

Nadeshiko offered the two a smile. "Hello, it's nice to meet you guys. I'm Nadeshiko," she introduced, walking over. "Those three over there, as you already know, are Ikuto, Tadase, and Kukai. The other four are Kairi, Yaya, Rima, and Amu. We had no idea that this land was private property, but I can assure you that we mean no harm. We just wanted to go for a hike, and we thought that this place was suitable," she explained. Casting an unsure glance to the side, she continued, "After a few hours of hiking, it just dawned on me that we're also lost... It would take us awhile to get back to where we came from. Because we aren't familiar with this land, we don't know any short cuts to get out..." Nadeshiko trailed off, assuming that Kyo would take a hint and realize that they needed his help.

Smirking to herself, Rima said quietly, "Well, at least _someone's_ the voice of reason here." Although this situation was bothersome, she had to admit that it was fun to observe.

Kyo fought the urge to facepalm- of course these kids had gotten lost too, it was just his luck... Groaning and grousing to himself about his lack of fortuitous events, and weren't cats supposed to be lucky?! "Uh, Ox-brain, you're 20 minutes away from that damned Dog's house. And, maybe- Nadeshiko, right?- we'll ask Tohru if she can call your parents or a cab." Aie, what did Kyo ever do to deserve this?

Ikuto smirked, and stepped away from Tadase. He could tell that the ginger teen would be fun to tease, especially once Amu becomes jealous...

Tadase, as if sensing Ikuto's train of thought began ranting at him, and, honestly Kukai just tuned them all out, nodding his thanks to the redhead.

Haru glared at Kyo. "Don't judge me. After crashing into these guys I got distracted and lost my sense of direction. Tch, it happens to the best of us ya know," he replied as he began to follow the redhead back toward Shigure's house.

Relief washed over Amu as she spoke her gratitude. "Oh, thank you! That would be great," she told Kyo as she followed the group toward the house.

Nadeshiko smiled, nodding in agreement. "That sounds reasonable enough. We really appreciate your help," she told Kyo as she followed along.

Rima stuck close with the group, keeping her comments to herself. She didn't feel very comfortable with this. Following two complete strangers back to a house filled with more strangers didn't mix well with her. Despite this, she already knew that any protest she had against this idea would be useless.

Kyo snickered, "Happens to the best of us, riight.." He drawled, "And I'm secretly a lady... Pfft-" Skillfully dodging the rock lobbed at his head, he cheerfully directed the odd group of ducklings back to Shigure's house. He also was stubbornly ignoring the black haired teen that was staring at his head.

 **At 'Gure's house~~ xD**

Tohru, who had been preparing the kettle for Kyo and Haru, perked up when she heard footsteps approach the house. Making sure the kettle was on, she called out, "They're back!" Opening the door, Tohru smiled as she said, "Hey guys, I'm glad you two are back. Did you guys make it back oka- Eh?" Blinking, Tohru's gaze wandered to the group of younger individuals trailing just behind them. Getting over her surprise, she brightened as she stepped outside. "Ah, I'm sorry! I didn't see you guys there. I'm Tohru. It's nice to meet you all!"

Haru gave a small shrug in response. "Yeah, we made it back okay. I sorta... ran into these guys on my walk. They were hiking, but now they're lost. Kyo wanted to bring them back. I guess we should call a cab..."

Tohru listened, nodding in understanding. "Oh, I see. Well, I'm glad that you guys found them. I wouldn't want them out there when it gets dark." Smiling, she added, "Why don't they stay for tea? It's not often that we get visitors, and I'd love to help out and let them relax for a little bit. They've probably done a lot of walking today."

Hearing his precious flower call out Kyo-chan and Haru were back, he once again popped back out into the main room. He blinked, snaked a hand up to his face to rub his eyes, and blinked again. Shaking his head slightly, he spoke, "Ah, ah Kyon-Kichi, look at you, bringing home stray kittens~ I-" Shigure quickly stopped that sentence- "Ahaha... sorry, but who are these _little kittens_?

" **KITTENS?! _YA DAMNED DOG! I'M GONNA KICK THE HELL OUTTA YOU_!** " Kyo took a calming breath, "Pardon me, cousin dearest, do you value your doors?" Shigure paled, stuttering out an apology.

Ikuto stared, amused by the crazy domestic scene, this _koneko_ was proving to be quite a cutie...

Sighing, Haru shook his head, slipping past Tohru and walking into the house. He was having none of this.

Tohru watched the scene unfold, worry flashing in her wide blue eyes. "Ah- g-guys, maybe we should calm down... It's okay, really!" Walking over to Kyo, Tohru said, "I'm sure Shigure meant no harm. I-I'm sure he's just curious. It's not often that we see strangers passing by," she reasoned, giving a soft smile.

Amu watched the two argue. At first she was worried, but eventually she grew a little impatient with the bickering. "Um... guys?"

Nadeshiko looked up, smiling at Shigure. "Hi, it's nice to meet you guys. I'm Nadeshiko," she introduced, walking over. "Those three over there are Ikuto, Tadase, and Kukai. The other four are Kairi, Yaya, Rima, and Amu. We weren't aware that this was private property and decided to go on a hike. After a few hours of walking, and running into Hatsuharu and Kyo, we realized that we were lost. My friends and I are really sorry for the inconvenience. We never meant to bother or put anyone out of their way."

Rima continued to listen, growing more wary. Shigure in particular made her more and more uncomfortable. Stifling back a shudder, she stepped in behind Kukai and Yaya, wanting to be out of sight from the new strangers.

Kyo sighed, again, "Alright, I'm making tea. Anyone else want some?"

Tadase kept glaring at the redhead, he just knew that Ikuto was chasing after him, and for some reason that made him upset. "Sure." He gritted out.

Shigure grinned, scenting the change in two of the chibis' mood.. he was certain that the two of them would bring great amusement to Haru, Yuki and himself- at the cost of Kyo-chan's emotional stability/sanity/heterosexuality.. ' _Though,_ ' he mused to himself, ' _We Sohmas always have been a little bent..._ '


	7. Knowledge- Oneshots 1-1 & 1-2

Knowledge Oneshots- 1.1 and 1.2

* * *

1.1

* * *

As one of the more adjusted T&I-nins, the psyche evaluations usually fell to him and it took a special kind of freaky to make Yamanaka Inoichi look as dead-eyed as he did that fateful day. The blond man sighed heavily through his nose, dragging his free hand across his face and, carefully keeping the multitude of folders tucked under one arm, continued to force himself up the stairs of the Hokage's office tower- (the poor man seemed so drained, he forgot he was a shinobi, so, he walked the grueling stairs- instead of the ceiling.. pfft.. poor Inoichi...)

Finally reaching his boss' office, he walked in without announcing himself as Sandaime-sama knew he was dropping off the files and reports. He did not expect to see a completely wasted Hyuuga Hiashi sobbing like a little girl into his nephew's shoulder, as the young man attempted to explain to the village leader why the leader of a prominent clan was sniffling like a four-year old. _Huh, 's not even five-thirty yet... Damn..._

* * *

Sarutobi Hiruzen had seen many things; after all, the man had lived through several wars, battles and other such skirmishes, however, the traumatized look on the Yamanaka clan head's face was worrying. "Inoichi-san, were there any complications with the evaluations?"

* * *

Inoichi gave up all pretenses of being stoic, taciturn and detached- the man looked like he had seen Anko and Ibiki go to town- and then some- on a prisoner. "Hokage-sama.. I- n- th-" He took a steadying breath, "To answer your question, Hokage-sama, yes-and-no. There were a few genin whose profiles were flagged- Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Nara Shikamaru and Hyuuga Hinata to start with. During the evaluations, the profiles of Aburame Shino, Uzumaki Naruto and- uh, Yamanaka Ino had also been flagged. Those files were also marked with two of the older genin-" Here he paused, turning to Neji, who had cast a long-suffering gaze to the stoically trying not to laugh Hokage, "Your teammates, actually." The Hyuuga genius simply pinned the blond with a _Really?-Not-like-I-could-tell_ look. "Hah, well. This group of eight genin was flagged for the- eh... extra presences... in their subconsciousness."

Neji stared at the former head of the T&I department, feeling a years-spanning-headache ensuing. "I am going to assume, that because of these past-'selves', that's why they all use strange nicknames, and use a sort of code? Goddammit..." The thirteen-year-old shoved his uncle away from him. "I'm starting to get the impression I should start a support group..."

* * *

Hiruzen turned a thoughtful gaze to Neji, "You know, that's not a bad idea."

Inoichi facepalmed.

Neji blinked.

Hiashi cried even harder.

* * *

...LINE?!...No, seriously, line?!...

* * *

1.2

* * *

"Uzumaki Naruto! You are required to demonstrate the Henge, Kawarimi and Bunshin jutsu-" The short and adorable blond glowered at the white haired chuunin instructor. ' _God.. Mizuki's such a-_ ' "Alright! I'm gonna prove my skills!" His hands flew into the signs, and with a poof of smoke, where cute, short blond, blue-eyed Naruto stood, a taller, handsomer blond-brunet with orange eyes stood smirking, making another set of signs, Mizuki found himself off balance. 'Okay, it's the goddamned Illusion clone... Let's try it...' Once more his hands aligned themselves- and "Bunshin!" A pair of pitiful dame-Tsuna clones lay sprawled on the floor. "Eh, dammit! That-" Another puff of smoke had the Henge dispelling. "Argh! I still can't get this f-!" Throwing his hands into the air, and pouting angrily, Naruto stomped out.

* * *

"'A special graduation' he says. 'It'll make you a cool ninja' he says. 'Kiss my ass' I say, 'By the way, I call bullshit' I add. Say, Jiji- are there any super-powerful bunshin-types?" Hiruzen chuckled genially, "Of course, I'll send an ANBU squad over too." Naruto glomped his grandfather, "Thank you, thank you, I'll be right back!"

* * *

"That's why everyone hates you- you're the Kyuubi!" Iruka paled, and was about to respond when Naruto bursted into incredulous and amused laughter- "Pfft- you're an idiot, I know. It's hard not to know when you've got three voices in your head. Also, Mizuki, three out of three voices don't like you- so, KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU!" As he said that, he crossed his fingers into a cross, and four-hundred-some-odd clones popped into existence, "Henge!" And 1/4 of the clones transformed into the blond from earlier, another 1/4 turned into a less pathetic version of the brunet from earlier, and the final 1/4th turned into a taller, older, ginger, more heavily whiskered Naruto. General clone consensus- Mizuki-bastard is going down.

* * *

"You're okay, right, Iruka-sensei?" Shakily giggling, he reached out to hug Naruto really tightly, "Yea-" His voice cracked a little, "Yeah, I'm okay... Gods, don't scare me like that again." Naruto agreed not to, as he liked breathing- which was kinda difficult due to being squished against Iruka's flak jacket.

* * *

The ANBU operative known as Seahorse was really questioning his rather poor luck- not only was he on a slow night shift, he was the designated report-writer, and he had to help scrape Mizuki, the traitor, off of the forest floor.

"My mother always warned me there would be days like this..." He grumbled, "Why didn't I listen to her, and settle down as an ikebana practitioner?"

* * *

.

.

.

.

 **Notes:**

1.1: So, Inoichi has a terrified of the Vongola, and, in Naru's case the Kyuubi, as well... Hiashi is traumatized and distraught- his **_evil-I-tell-you-pure-evil_** brother has been encouraging his little girl to become a 'discipline-machine'. Hiruzen and Neji decide to create a support group for the senseis, teammates and family of the 'nutty reincarnations'.

1.2: Iruka is also a worried mother-hen for Naruto. Also, as Naru-chan says, it's kind of difficult to ignore three worried-for-you voices in your head. Also also, I really feel bad for this once-off OC Seahorse- he's got some pretty bad timing/luck.

.

 **Thanks for reading, and, hey, maybe leave a review? Thanks!**


	8. Cliches: Betrayed Harry! HP Drabble

The Harry!is!betrayed!by!Ron,!Ginny,!Hermione,!Molly,!for!his!moneys!and!is!then!tossed!through!the!Veil!of!Death!No-Epilogue cliche. Yeah, it is a bit of a mouthful, eh?

...

It was with great resignation that he moved, stepping slowly and cautiously towards those foreboding stone arches. In between, the stark cloth rippled, moved by an unseen wind. The man grimaced as he was shoved, his assailant uncaring of how his shackled wrists were jarred on impact. He could hear the malicious and derisive whispers as he walked passed the stands. His own temper, piqued by the events of the past year, especially after Dumbledore's death and Voldemort's fall, had almost reached its volatile eruption point. However, he did have some temperance, and also, common sense.

It was to this he wondered where he went wrong. He played the boy-hero, he played the liar, the exonerated, the anti-Christ, and now- now he was playing the martyr.

His upper lip twitched upwards into a sneer, before he schooled his features. It would do him no good to have these people attack him further by seeing any of his emotions play out. So, he persevered, remained stoic- taciturn; and by doing so, he refused to let anyone else play him by his emotions.

...

...

...

So, this- this is from something- I dunno, I was thinking about some idiotic classmates of mine, and the big words that are synonyms for angry, ominous, etc..

So... Yeah, have a short and slightly angsty, and angry, HP drabble. Tada! Ooh, also, see?! No excess formatting! I'm so proud of myself- *is shot*- ehehe... Yeah...

Enjoy! Drop a review if you have any suggestions for improvement, a constructive criticism or just if you feel like chatting. Trolls will be dealt with accordingly- however, as much as it seems like it, this is not an invitation to be an ass.

Thanks, cheers, and happy reading,

\- Lilac (Cole)


	9. FYI-Cussing ties these snippets together

**Read on, lovelies, read on. Beware, however, of cussing. And adult situations.**

* * *

"- fucking Sasuke!" Sakura blinked, pausing in her stride, a few paces behind her shorter teammate, "Um, where's Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto made a sarcastic sound. "I said, fucking Sasuke." Sakura fainted. Naruto rolled his eyes, and left Team 7.1 to go see if Yamato-taicho wasn't 'training' Sai.

++BREAK++

When Sakura came to, she too quickly absconded from the 'training' ground. "I'm never touching those posts without gloves ever, ever again." Soon, walking to the other training ground used, she seen a wooden house, and a despairing blonde. As she approached him she heard a muttered mantra of "Fuck my life.. why do all of my senseis fuck their favourite studen- aw, bugger... I should ask Iruka-sensei if he's one of _those_ senseis- I think he's dating Anko though... Fuuuuck... And Ero-sennin is outta the question, simply 'cause NOPE! Aie..." Sakura held back a snicker at her commiserating teammate/surrogate little brother, "I'd ask,' she started, "But I think we both know what's going on..." She could not keep a straight face with the obviously henge'd mascara-tear tracks framing Naruto's cerulean eyes.

++BREAK++

"Is that a kimono-miniskirt? In, admittedly, a complementary-to-you colour scheme?"

"Yes," the blonde growled, "There are also many of our fellow Rookies who'd better sleep with one eye open!" Raising his voice to a yell, he drove his point home with an adorable foot stamp. "Kibbles, Flowergirl and Clueless are all going to suffer. SUFFER, YOU HEAR ME?!"

++BREAK++

"... Fuck me..." The blonde groaned, exasperated. "Dickless, I'm sure that if you had a boyfriend, they'd be happy t-" Naruto growled, his anger amplifying the sound. "Sai- I have a short lecture to deliver to you. It's called: The Usage of the F-word in Konoha."

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- **(yey- it's a funneh lil' bit o' something... xD)**

 **A/N : Ahaha, yes, I borrowed the line 'The Usage of the F-word in** **wherever** **" from Canadian comics (comedians), Bowser and Blue.**

 **Character Ages!: Rookies - 17, Team 9 - 18, Senseis - (I don't remember, and I'm too lazy to look it up, but I'd say 30's), Sannin - (50's... I think...)**

 **Word Count - 282 (Minus "+'s", ellipses', dashes, brackets and A/N's)**

 **Rating : Mid T for language and implications.**

 **Warning! - There is mention of jailbaity relationships, which is considered statutory rape. However, this fic is mostly a play on words, that being, the f-word. Nothing detrimental was meant by it, and it was me dicking around with the idea of KakaSasu and YamaSai. No harm implied, sorry if there are now bees in your bonnet. The offense was not intended. If you read it to get offended, while I appreciate your resilience, I also recommend reading REAL badfics. I write for fun, and I hope it amuses you, simply on account of teh odd scenarios... xD (Ahaha, terrible person... *shot'd*)**

 **Review, s'il vous plait, ma chers!**


	10. A short rant on my teammates

**Hey! Look! Another chapter! Enjoy, dear readers!**

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A certain blonde Konohagakure shinobi stomped into the Hokage's office, frowning mightily, he huffed at the older blonde who woke up when he slammed the door open, "Granny, whaddya mean I have to crash at Kakashi-sensei's house for a month!?"

Tsunade scowled at the use of the nickname, before sighing- sometimes there was no getting through to Naruto -and saying, "It's team-building-!"

Naruto cut her off, "- And nothing to do with the fact Asuma-sensei treats his team like his younger siblings, Kurenai- and Gai-sensei treating their teams like their children; but Kakashi- and Yamato-sensei show blatant favoritism to their version of Team 7's rookie, while Sakura-cha- Sakura-san is apprenticed to you- and is maybe a younger sister-figure- then there's me. You are my Obaa-chama. Iruka-sensei is equal parts a father and brother to me. Heh, Ero-sennin is a Oji-san... but still I feel excluded- and do I really have to do this? I spent a month travelling with you and Ero-sennin, can't that count? Or at least a night at Kakashi-sensei's? Please? He and Sasuke have the same arrangement as Yamato and Sai- and those two get **_AMOROUS_**.. I'd rather not listen to moans and slamming headboards. At either dwelling. Thank you very much."

Throughout his soliloquy, Tsunade tried to interject, only to halt, puzzled by the revelations of the, uh, 'personal escapades' of Team Seven and Neo-Team Seven. As the implications sunk in, the Sannin blushed delicately, images rising unbidden in her mind. Catching her faraway look, the boy groaned dramatically, "Oh c'mon, baachan, not you too. You're getting that look that Ero-sennin gets when he's daydreaming."

...

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 **++_** _ **Le fin**_ **_++**

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 **...**

 **Word Count - 269 (Minus ellipses', "The End" statement and A/N.**

 **Rating: High K to low T; merely on adult implications.**

 **Review please~!**


	11. It SUCKS to be me, don't it?

**Whaaat?! A _third_ update?! Who am I and what did I do with Lilac?! xD xD**

 **Nah, nah, I kid.. but seriously, enjoy these updates! I'm a busy little wombat, so just let these chapters tide you over. I'll see you lovelies on the 5th of June~! Also, Happy (Early) Canada Day to my fellow Canucks, and a Happy (Even More Early) Independence Day to my American readers!**

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It was the first day of a new school year, and Sawada Tsunayoshi's at Ouran Academy, as newly-discovered heir of the Vongola Inc. Company.

He sighed, out of the Tenth Generation's Guardians, it was him- the Sky Guardian alone, who enrolled in such a prestigious school. 'Heh, yeah right.. Reborn has a point though, Takeshi's grades aren't high enough; Hayato's a little bit too... overprotective... Mukuro and Chrome are too busy doing kami-knows-what with the Kokuyo gang and Fran- no, no I'm glad I hadn't asked... Onii-san and Hibari-sempai are too old for the high school; Basil's too out of place; Bel's too unhinged; Enma's in Mafia school... Aie, well, that doesn't help me much..'

A pair of 'new kids' stood at the front of class; scruffy, scholarship student Fujioka Haruhi and terrified, new heir Sawada Tsunayoshi. Both were short, brunette, and downright adorable- with Fujioka-kun being the taller of the two.

"Hello, my name is Sawada Tsunayoshi, I like foriegn languages, helping people, lions and superheroes; please take care of me.." And then the fangirls rejoiced- 'OMG, he's so kawaii! Ooh, you think they're related? Kyaaa! No, but they look it- It's almost twincest or selfcest! '

The Hiitachin twins gawked.. These two adorable brunettes... Kaoru gulped, absolutely worried about how ' _Tono is gonna flip his lid when he hears_..'

Suddenly, a lovely, lilting piano melody filled the silenced class room. Tsuna blushed and grabbed his phone answering with a quick "Ciao? Hayato-kun? Is there a problem?"

The answering voice was abrasive and loud enough that the entire room could hear, "Yes, Juudaime, there is a problem- VOIII- Ushishishi- Ooh Ryohei~- The GODDAMNED VARIA CAME TO VISIT. BASEBALL IDIOT IS NOT HELPING- HANDS OFF- TURF-TOP AND THE REST OF THESE- Kufufu~ Tsunayoshi-kun- Bossu!- Oi- Mini-trash..." And immediately, Tsuna turned his phone off, his faced stained crimson, with the hint of tears gathering. The classroom erupted in squeals and nosebleeds.

..

..

【『 ※ ﹏ ※ ﹏ ※ ﹏ ※ ﹏ ※ ﹏ ※ ﹏ ※ 』】

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...

 **(Hee- it's an OHSHCxKHR ficcy! xD What else can I say?! Aha, enjoy your reading!)**

 **Word Count: 312 (Minus "+'s", ellipses', that bracketed line of symbols, and the A/N)**

 **Rating: K for content, T for word choice. Ah, Hayato... what would a story do without a trucker/sailor boy like you? ^ _^**

 **Review, please!**


	12. A Very Silly Happenstance Ch 1

I know, I lied, it's August 19th, and NOT July 5th... Haha, oops... ^^'

Enjoy the fanfic anyway, this particular idea has been kicking around my brainspace for quite a while now...

So, yeah, folks, enjoy!

* * *

 **A Very Silly Happenstance.**

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 ** _A 'Monty Python' and 'Harry Potter' semi-crossover._**

Featuring: The Python troupe as an Orochi... Well, an OC/bunch o' OCs ('the heck do you call a multi-headed, multi-personality'd creature like this?) that are a reference to that amazing comedy troupe. Yep, LOL-moments will be abound. I love these guys, and their work- don't worry though! There'll only be a handful of Python lines, and this guy'll be some much needed comic relief, what with his bad, bad, funny, bad advice.

3rd-Year Summer Divergence: that being, just before the Quidditch World Cup.

 **DISCLAIMER!:** The line, "He's not the Messiah! He's a very naughty boy!" belongs to the Monty Python comedy troupe, and whichever TV/radio company they belong to! I don't own it! This inclusion is just for the LOLs, I mean, c'mon, a 'python' delivering famous Python lines? It's gold, baby, pure gold! *Cough, cough,* Yeah... *Cough, cough...*

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 **Part ONE** **: _Oh, COME ON! You Have GOT To Be Kidding Me!_**

* * *

It had started as any other day for Harry James Potter had, living in #4 Privet Drive: wake up, tend to the Bas- I mean- Dursleys, and do whatever those as- I mean- his _loving_ relatives had set out for him...

'So what went wrong?' He asked himself, staring transfixed at the more than quite peculiar six-headed snake giggling to itself in his aunt Horsefa- Petunia- his aunt Petunia's precious rose garden. He pinched himself. Nope. The strange snake was there, and still talking to itself. Harry paused, wiping his brow; was it the heat? The sun? What if the neighbours, or worse, his relatives see the snake-creature? Harry caught the eyes of one of the heads. They stared, unearthly emerald meeting a greenish-gold.

 _ **...linebreak...**_

 _"..."_

 _'...'_

 _ **...linebreak...**_

Awkward silence ensued. Harry's eyes narrowed behind his sellotaped glasses. It was time enough he made his own decisions! 'You know what?! Forget this!' Harry thought vehemently, 'I've bloody had it! Sod the Dursleys! Sod the neighbours!' Plucking up his Gryffindor courage, he whisper-shouted to the creature in parseltongue, " _Oi! Weird snake-thing! Yeah- you! What are you doing here?!"_ For all he could remember, six-headed snakes were seen as damn near impossible in the Muggle world, and highly unlikely to be seen in Wizarding _Europe_ , if Luna Lovegood's ramblings were to be believed.

Sighing to himself, he had to admit that despite its more-that-apparent oddities, the snake was quite handsome, roughly 171 centimetres* long, and about 5.5 centimetres** around; its scales were mottled, in rich tans, silvers and a dark, deep, earthy brown. Its six pairs of eyes were predominantly a green-gold colour...

In spite of Harry's interruption of its conversation the snake prattled on, one head taking on a hair-raisingly awful falsetto voice, " _I don't know what'chur talkin' about... 'E's not the Messiah, 'e's a very naughty boy!_ "

Harry stared. As did a few of the snake's other heads. 'I'm not sure if that was coincidence or not, but I-' his train of thought was cut off, as one of the heads finally noticed him, " _Oi!_ " It hissed, " _'O the blinkin' 'ell 's that?_ " Naturally, the other five heads had to turn and stare; this had the effect of making Harry extremely uncomfortable- it was bad when an entire pub stared, but this- this was plain unnerving.

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++++++ **END...** ++++++

++++ _FOR NOW..._ ++++

 **Words** : 384 (Not counting, of course the +'s and A/N's

 ***** 171 cm = 5'6"

 ****** 5.5 cm = 2.16"

Okay, dear readers, whaddya think? Awesome, funny, horribly suckish? Lemme know~! I kindly ask that you don't flame me, but constructive criticism would be much valued!~~

So, please, drop a review, PM, whatever; but, like I said, please, just lemme know.

 _Happy reading~_

\- Lilac (Cole)


	13. Domesticity and Its Outliers

BTW, I'm totally sorry-not-sorry about this, JSYK.

* * *

 _ **DOMESTICITY AND ITS OUTLIERS**_

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 _A set of two TTTE fanfics- well, okay, fine, a ficlet and a full fanfic._ _Aie... GDI..._ \uvu/

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It was just about sunrise when his phone rang, as he was cooking breakfast for himself and his lover, and he walked over to the table from the stove to answer it. "Good morning.." he said. "I'm doing well... Yeah, yeah, he is too... How about you and Edward? ... Well, I gotta ask how my best friend and older brother are, I mean, c'mon... Gordon? No clue.. last I heard he'd been dandying off with James, Spencer and Emily... Yeah, no kidding..." As the young man chattered into his cell, he walked back to the stove, where he was frying some chopped bacon to add into the cheddar biscuits he was making. "Uh, Perce, gimme a sec, need to put on a pot of coffee, hold up..." And so he pulled the pan of bacon off the heat, turned to the counter and pushed the prepared coffee filter into the coffee maker, and turned it on. Turning back to the stove, and bacon, he finished recounting with his closest friend and soon-to-be brother-in-law, "Sorry 'bout that, anyhow, continue... Oh, so it's both Donald AND Oliver after Monty?... So what, is Duck now a pet nickname?.. It is? Awww, that's adorable..." As he finished cooking and draining the bacon, he put his phone on speaker, so he could chat and mix biscuits.

 **...**

When the biscuits went into the oven, and his lover rolled out of bed, conversing to their friends, Percy and Edward had finished their morning rituals, and said 'see you later' to Thomas and Henry.

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 _FIN_

Ficlet One Wordcount: 258.

... No, no, I **don't** know where the _hell_ this one came from. It's kinda cute, if a little disjointed. Ah well, that's what happens when your muse forces you to write a 3 A.M ficlet.

... That said, the fandom is Thomas the Tank Engine. I babysat a younger cousin of mine, and he insisted on watching this show. I grew up with this, so it hit the nostalgia button, and hit it hard- however, unluckily for me, my fujoshi-goggles are nigh-constantly on, and I ruined my childhood. I figured I could share this snippet of hopefully-cute with you peeps!

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... So yeah...

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I'm pretty sure I scarred myself for life writing the next one though...

These _are_ unconnected oneshots..

...

I should say that the next one is kind of, slightly more perverted than normal, with stronger language... ^- ^|| Haha.. oops...

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 **-break-**

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It came as no surprise when Thomas found out his douchebag older brother Gordon was unfaithful to his fiancé, really it wasn't; it was, however, surprising that James broke it off with Percy, and got with Gordon right away- his heart went out to his best friend- Percy didn't deserve a narcissistic, stuck up asshole like James as a boyfriend.

.

Something else that threw him for a loop was Edward; lovely, lovely, charming, caring, sweet, loveable Edward invited Henry to stay with them. No problem- that wasn't it. It was the 'physical affection reintegration' that did it. Henry was willing- more than willing, actually- to have sex with Edward, because he wasn't related to Gordon- and he was kind of hungry for loving, and rather quite physical, contact- and Thomas was his bastard-ex- fiancé's (Gordon's) younger brother, and didn't that hit a little bit too close?

.

During that time, Thomas learned that Percy was trying to convince Toby to 'just screw him into the bed sheets, it wasn't as though James cared, really, he only stayed because I can cook, clean, do chores, and be willing to bottom'... Thomas knew Percy had a lot of self-image issues, ones that James- that goddamned egotist- ignored, and that Toby would be willing to kiss away that pain, and make Percy feel better... James wouldn't know what he missed, being too absorbed in his sordid love affair...

.

The catalyst for this train wreck was that Henry had caught Gordon with Emily, in flagrante delicto. She was dropped as soon as James sauntered closer and bent over. That had been close to five months ago, 'And since Percy finally got Toby to indulge him, well...' He'd been very lonely, and hadn't really had a lot of time to himself at work, as Emily, and Rosie hadn't left Thomas alone- they thought he was being deprived, since 'his' man was currently 'with' Henry. Well, that and they both really liked him, and really wanted him in their respective beds, and were extremely desperate for some... attention...

.

They had invited-(read: kidnapped)- him for a 'nice night out' at a club. 'The Works' was a local club, run by a handful of friends, Thomas did know all of the owners well. He also knew the night wouldn't end well, for him at least, if that package of powder was anything to go by... 'Ah, damnit-!' He thought angrily, just when I was beginning to think my year couldn't get any worse- fuck... I'd better call Edward... Hope he's not too busy to answer...' In that moment, his cell rang, showing a number he hadn't heard from in quite some time; he answered, speaking curtly, "Hello, Thomas speaking... I was beginning to think you honeymooners had forgotten me... I'm teasing, I'm teasing... Wow, really Ed? Heh... I'd actually love it if my knights in shining armour could save me. ... At 'The Works', you know, Skarloey, Mavis, Dean and Montague's club? Yeah... A.S.A.P. would be preferable..." Then Thomas heard the words he'd thought Edward would never again say to him, "Alright, love you too..."

.

Unfortunately for Thomas, it would be another hour-and-a-half before his freshly shagged-and-showered knights saved him from desperate women- there was only so much interference and police-calling a bartender could do... Nevertheless, Thomas appreciated what Mavis- the bartender on shift that night- did for him anyway.

.

It would be a long night for Thomas- with two desperate lovers, and reawakened need for contact- as he had been focusing on work, paperwork, bills, and the occasional coffee or going out for drinks with Percy and Toby- to really focus on self-love and care.

.

Suffice to say, he couldn't move in the morning, sandwiched between two broad chests; that said, he really didn't want to move, much too content to. His lovers agreed. He called in his first sick day in months. Mr. Hatt- his boss- was both concerned and happy for Thomas when he walked in the next day with a noticeable limp, and a bigger smile that no-one at work had seen the normally cheerful young man wear in a good six months.

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When James came crawling back to Percy's apartment expecting love and open arms, only to be met by a scowling Percy, clad in a gorgeous, jade-coloured dress that hugged his curves, and accentuated his already prominent femininity, his jaw dropped! His shorter lover was beautiful! 'Maybe...' He thought, 'He'll take me back?'

.

Whatever he was going to say, was cut off by Percy's curt, "I'd appreciate you picking your jaw up, dropping your key, and flouncing back to Gordon's bed." Unfortunately, he was ignored, and James only whistled flirtatiously, "You know, you are REALLY hot when you're angry... What's the occasion? A welcome home party?" He smirked salaciously.

.

Percy's face darkened, "No, fuck off. I have a date, and I don't want to have you around. I won't let myself be enchanted by your wantonness. I've finally come back to myself, and I sure as hell won't let your problems influence how I see myself anymore!"

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James' countenance was torn between confusion and arousal. All he had seen and heard was his Persephone's lips moving, and a flirty voice. "Hm.. baby~... That dress looks beautiful on you, but I think it would look better on my floor." He pulled the shorter brunet closer to him ignoring the protests, laying his grabby hands on Percy's ass, and groping, massaging, squeezing, before-

 **Slap!**

The resounding smack sound echoed out of the apartment, before a familiar, soothing deep voice called, "Perce, you okay?" And Toby rounded the corner, noticed the James, the crimson slap-mark, a fuming Percy and saw red. He marched up to James and grabbed the front of his polo shirt, "What the hell do you think you're doing?" He thundered. James flinched.

Just then, as if sensing the gathering storm, Percy stood beside Toby, and laid his hands on other's bicep. "It's not worth it. I'll just ask my landlord to switch locks. C'mon, you promised me a date, and I have a surprise for you..." His soft voice turned husky near the end of the sentence.

.

James' jaw dropped as he saw Toby of all people growl, and pull HIS Persephone into a scorching kiss. "That's right," Toby's voice had deepened and thickened with lust, "Well then, my queen, let us be off." The unspoken, 'Bugger off and go find Gordon' was heavily imparted with a blistering glare that had James flinging his old key into Percy's hands, and sprinting off somewhere. "Hmph, good riddance." Toby snorted. Percy giggled, "A little possessive and territorial, eh?" Toby smirked, "Only when it comes to you, babe."

.

After grabbing his purse, and locking his door, he pecked Toby on the lips, "Shall we, my king?" Toby smiled, and pecked him back, "We shall, my queen." And they walked off.

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 **FIN**

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 **++DONE++**

Wordcount: 1150.

[[[1150 words of essentially pure sin... sin I tell you... ]]]

Ahahaha- anyway... Enjoy the childhood-ruining trash? This was a self-imposed dare- essentially- how far can I go before I feel uncomfortable? Rereading this, yeah, pretty far. Hot damn... oops, oh wells, someone else'll enjoy it... \uvu/

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Oh! Before I forget- JSYK, in this context, stands for 'Just So You Know'. It's an abbreviation I use commonly, but I dunno if others use it... so yeah.

 _Pretty wired, and always writing; yours truly,_

-Lilac (Cole)


	14. Insecurities and Complexes

Heya lovelies! It's me, Lilac! It's been quite a while since I last made an update, but not to worry dearies, Li's on a roll again! Expect the usual- sporadic updates to this fun 'little' fanfiction of mine, and maybe another chapter: for Madness and Miscellany and for Dragonet Oneshots...

... And hey, who knows? Maybe I have a fic anthology for Miraculous Ladybug fics and crossovers... Maybe I'm calling Miraculous Madness...

*Clears throat* Anyhow.. Yeah, enjoy this little APH idea.. (with this idea just a paragraph or three short of 1000 words- whoa boy, do I my work cut out for me or what?)

 **ALSO** : There may be spelling inconsistencies, sorry! Sometimes my eyes, and computer, don't catch lil' errors that may occur, sorry! **_[[If it bothers you, you can A) ignore it; or B) mebbe recommend a good beta reader?]]_**

 **ALSO, ALSO: HERE THERE BE SWEARING, YE BE WARNED!**

...

...

That said...

Here, have a fanfic!

...-...-...-...

It worked out well enough; just go to the fucking meeting, smile, don't insult the host, don't let your issues show through, be kind ( _enough_ ), don't be a ( _complete_ ) ass- simple, right?

And yet, the damned happy attitudes of most of the students ended up pissing him off. Damnit, didn't he deserve that happiness too?

But no, no. That wouldn't happen- no, he was the eternally miserable brother of the perpetually happy Feliciano Vargas, and God help you if you make him cry. Lovino could attest to that; Romulus- their grandfather by birth; Aldrich- their step-grandfather; Gilbert- their eldest brother-in-law and Ludwig- his older brother-in-law, and Feli's boyfriend; Antonio- their adopted older brother, and one of Gil's best friends, and a pain in Lovi's neck: they'd all make whomever made their Feli cry, feel the wrath of God- except, Lovi notes, that God's wrath would be the preferential option.

He sighed, depressed. And he looked it, too; sitting on the floor, back against the wall, in a rarely used corridor of the academy he attends, his clothes looking messy, posture drawn in- knees tucked against his chest, arms locked across, head tucked. He'd start sobbing, but he doubted the relief he'd feel.

It was just his fucking luck- it just had to be fucking Valentine's Day, and everybody and their grandmother just _had_ to be happy little bluebirds... Everybody but him. Everyone else was happy with their special somebody(s)... Everyone but him. "Damnit..." he whimpered softly, "Why me?"

* * *

His thoughts were cast to earlier that day, and all the _happy_ couples he had seen... His own twin brother being lavished with attention by their older brothers- ' _Bastards!_ ' - the pairs of blonds and brunettes, all happier than clams at high tide- like his brothers' friends- Kiku and Heracles, and Francis, Alfred, Arthur and Matthew, and Roderich and Elizabeta, and even the two tallest, scariest boys on campus had someone! The very creepy Ivan had Yatsoong, and the intimidating Berwalt had Simo- and who did Lovino 'For-Fucking-Ever Alone' Vargas have? _Hah, no one._

With that thought, he wondered, _What the hell does Feliciano have that I don't?!_ He scowled without looking, _Oh yeah, he has people that love him unconditionally, money, talent and friends... Lucky motherfucker..._ It was true; Feliciano Vargas had some of the better social graces, he had the talent in art and music, he was affable, charming and charismatic- in his opinion, everything that Lovino wasn't. Lovino was crass, vulgar and prickly- a side effect of being the least favourite child growing up, and being saddled with a lot of the chores, taking care of himself, and paying for his brother's whimsies; this had the outcome of making Lovino better with business, and caretaking- he had a soft spot for children and animals, was more honest with authority, and women, and more self-sufficient and down-to-earth. _Like that will change anyone's opinion of me..._ And it was true, first impressions are important- and Lovino hadn't exactly made the best first impressions with anyone- or so he thought.

You see, Lovino was a favourite among a few students, simply for his 'take-no-shit' attitude; students like Matthew Williams, one of- if not _**the**_ quietest, most soft-spoken people to ever grace the academy's halls admired Lovino for his willingness to speak his mind; Basch Zwingli admired his 'no-nonsense' aggressive nature, in the situations it was called for- like dealing with his spoiled younger twin's flights of (expensive) fancy; Lilli Vogel, like her older step-brother, admired the Italian boy, she admired him for his rarely shown kindness, and Elizabeta Hevedary admired her neighbour's willingness to stand by his beliefs. Another student, Sadik Adnan was very, very interested in him, to the point of attempting to pursue a relationship- however he fumbled a little, and was misunderstood as being interested in 'Saint Feli'. Surprisingly, in the vein of romantic interest in Lovino: Ludwig and Antonio were interested in their spitfire, amber-eyed younger 'brother', much more so than Feli, who was infatuated with three of his four older brothers- and had most of his family wrapped around his little finger.

Tears welled up in Lovino's eyes, but he willed them away; with a heavy sigh, his heart-wrenching train of thought continued, _Perfect fuckin' Feli... He inherited the looks, the charm, and, whoop-de-fuckin'-doo, hooray, the obliviousness of Gra- of Romulus to top it all off! He's_ perfect... _And what am I...? How could I hope to be comparable to him, I can't hold a candle to Saint Feli... I'm a cheap replacement for a real diamonds-and-gold ring..._ His breath hitched, and his body shuddered, the tears returned with a vengeance- his body was wracked with silent sobs, as all of the negative feelings he thought he bottled up, crashed over him with all the weight of a tidal wave.

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At that moment, unbeknownst to Lovino- who was in the midst of a mental and emotional breakdown; the three young men who were entranced by the older twin were all looking for him. Sadik, Antonio and Ludwig were all hoping that they'd be the one to find the missing Lovino, and finally admit their feelings to him. However, they weren't the only ones looking for Lovino; Basch, Lilli and Matthew- all of whom attended the student meeting earlier that day- were on the lookout for the fiery young man...

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Word Count: 894

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A/N: Yeah that was kind of an angst-fest, sorry peeps. I kinda love these cliché twin-fics though, I also like the oblivious AF love interest type- reminds me of myself and my BF.. xD / _ **Soo true though**_ /... xD Ahaha... I can be such an unobservant toolbox sometimes... :D Yay!

Also, should I have a swear jar? I'm starting to think so.. xD

In any case, hope you liked the story, and, enjoy the madness~!

\- Lilac


	15. Flash Fiction: Sky Edition

**§ Here we are, ducks, a smidge of fanfic. I ment to upload this a wee bit earlier, I got sidetracked, as you do; never the less, I have a quick lil' flash-fic**.

* * *

No one could believe that, of all people, Dame-Tsuna cursed a blue streak through the air. It wouldn't have been surprising if it were Gokudera, Kurokawa or even Yamamoto, but Sawada Tsunayoshi? No, no-one could have guessed. So when, one day just before the Year 3 exams, Sawada, who is surprisingly late, bursts into the classroom, a litany of profanity leaving his lips, almost dragging Dokuro-chan, Sasagawa-sempai and that weird kid that sometimes follows his group around, coming up to the teacher's desk, he left a note, and gesturing for Gokudera, Yamamoto, Kurokawa and Kyoko-chama to follow him. As the brigade of teens left, the befuddled classroom behind them burst into chatter, wondering what on earth just happened. The teacher tried to control the rising ruckus, before Nami-chuu was engulfed by waves of killer intent. The many airs of palpable rage made inquisitive minds curious but wary- what happened? No-one knew...

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Word Count: 100; not counting pre/postface.

1/2 fanficcy bits of the night..

Ciao, Lilac


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